Maybe it was because my love was getting through to him, but Talito began to calm down when I would come to see him, and he seemed just as happy as I was while I was performing the one man show. I even at one point wrote a one man one-act play, that I got back on the stage to perform more than a few times for him. No matter what it was, I noticed myself writing a few more lines each time for the masculine roles, and really basking in those moments when I was acting them. I learned to hold space for Talito’s fear and anger, which led me to do the same for myself.Īfter one-on-one time with Talito, I would start acting out parts of plays I would write on the spot: cowboys roaming freely, pirates ripping through mystical waves. Just like Talito, I was also fighting back. But I was doing the same thing to my family when they were forcing me into fitting rooms in stores to try on dresses, or do my hair a certain way. I will admit, he did bite me a few times. It seemed like Talito understood my anger and confusion I would notice him in a corner of the backyard, becoming aggressive out of fear of getting hurt, simply because he couldn’t hear or see what was going on. Spanish is a grammatically gendered language, giving even inanimate objects masculine or feminine lettering, so my brain was always cut in half with every word I was saying trying to remember if the words ended in o or a, trying to understand if I was supposed to be feminine, not liking that I had to speak of myself in that way when I opened my mouth, and lacking the resources to express myself. Talito didn’t live a long life, but he helped me live a full one while he was here. My aunt had given him to my grandmother after having him for a while, and decided he was a bit too much. Talito was a black, shih-tzu/komondor sort of mix, who developed a few illnesses and came out of them completely blind and (almost completely) deaf. There wasn’t ever much time alone, and if I had it, I couldn’t trust anyone. Understanding that at a young age as “just the way things are,” didn’t really leave very much space to explore my gender. It was a Republican, Roman Catholic environment not very welcoming of change - or of fluidity - and everything was cut and dry. There were a lot of people on both sides of the gender binary in my immediate surroundings, all cis, and they all spoke the same language… and said the same things. For Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day, TransLash community member Yannick reflects on how pets have supported his gender journey.ĭuring childhood, I spent a significant amount of time on the island, learning about life as a toddler immersed in the cultures and norms of Puerto Rican life.
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